1. Why he's awful: He doesn't express his feelings. When you ask him how he feels about buying you a new designer purse, he gives you a blank stare and then rolls his eyes and leaves the room. Only psychopaths hold back their feelings – because they don't have any!
Why you're better than him: You tell him how you feel at all times and never leave him guessing. Not even when he's had a bad day and wants to go to bed. Wow, what a goddamn wonderful person you are.
2. Why he doesn't deserve happiness: He exploits and manipulates your emotions to get what he wants. If you're busy doing yoga on the terrace and he walks in to tell you that he could use help with something in the kitchen, it's clear that he's taking advantage of you. And when you tell him that you cannot believe he would interrupt your downward dog pose, and that maybe your friends were right about him, you are helping him see his enormous flaws.
Why you're an empathetic dream of a woman: You are true to yourself above all else and that's another angelic fucking quality of yours.
3. Why he should be killed, honestly: He is arrogant. He comes home to tell you how his boss just met with him at lunch and told him that he is positioned to take on a leadership role in the company, not even thinking about how inadequate you feel because that bitch Tara had an Insta post go viral today. How inconsiderate.
Why you should be President of the United States: You know your worth and you don't have to shove it in his face. You just save it for times when he wonders why you're upset and you can say, "You didn't even ask me how my day was." And then you tell him the thing you are proud of, which is likely something incredibly amazing like you managed to eat even less calories today than yesterday. You are truly the perfect example of humility and goodness and he is a piece of fucking dog shit. Get away from him!