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Amazon-Sponsored Post: Freeze Your Eggs to Breed the Next Generation of Exploited Labor


You're getting older. You're thinking, "I'm gonna be dead soon. Maybe I won't be able to have kids anymore. Maybe I should save my eggs."


Well, that's a great thought, but it's not all about you and how you want to have kids. We don't care about all that.


There's been a downward trend in poor people having children for years now. The way it's going, we won't have nearly enough Amazon factory workers to pick and ship the various China-made things to other poor people so that us richies can profit off their back-breaking labor.

Now this is a very scary thought. Yeah, yeah, you always thought you'd be a good mother. Yeah, you want to see how your kid looks like you and whatever poor schlub you're seeing. Yeah, you're terrified of dying alone with no one to pass on your genes. But the most important thing is that we raise enough of a labor force to not only keep Amazon operating at a breakneck speed but to serve as backup labor for when the robots become self-aware and try to burn the factory down.


So think about freezing your eggs as soon as possible. It's, uh, for the strength of the American economy or something.


*Paid for by Jeff Bezos, our BFF-for-pay-for-a-day.