Dear Baeli,
So I learned the other day that my grandfather is a war criminal. Apparently he was involved in some kinda genocide or whatever. I'm too uninterested to look into the details. No one knows this but me.
Now my question to you is, what should I do with this information? He's at death's door and could die any minute. I know for a fact that he doesn't like my dad and that I'm most likely not in his will. I would die if I didn't get my fair share of his $100 million. What do I do?
Sincerely,
My Grandfather's a War Criminal and I Want Money
Dear Want Money,
I was in this exact situation a few years ago when I learned my great aunt was actually the shooter on the Grassy Knoll. I was able to present the information to her before she completed her estate planning. She was so scared she made me the executor of the estate and left me half her fortune.
What really matters here is timing. Make sure to provide this information to him as soon as possible so that he still has some time to be alive. Sure he doesn't want his reputation tarnished after death, but who wants to die without the love and adoration of their family/Insta followers? Not me.
Schedule a meeting with him in a public place and discreetly tell him your offer. Present any evidence on hand. I would go as high as $20 million to start. Don't go any lower than $10 million.
Glad to be of help to a fellow extortionist! Good luck.
xoxo,
Baeli