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Eating for Five: Diet for Feeding My Multiple Personalities


Dealing with my five dissociative personalities and all their quirks can be quite the challenge. I, for one, am a morning person, while Jojo is a psychopathic killer who drains the blood of rabid rodents at 2 o'clock in the morning. Getting all of us fed and eating healthy is never easy, but we all try our best (well, really, it's just me that does anything).


For instance, Lily is a diabetic and also a real lazy piece of shit. She can't have sugar, which means none of us can, but no one listens to this rule but me. So, when it comes time for Bryce the boy prodigy to take over, all he wants is sugary cereal and to play his violin concertos at all hours of the night. So we are often in and out of the hospital in diabetic comas.

Jojo, as I said, eats rodents at night, which can cause quite a lot of stomach pain for us. That's why I make sure to always have gagging devices on hand to vomit that stuff out. And to combat all of that red meat, I like to eat a pure organic vegan diet. The others don't like it, though. While I'm eating, say, a piece of broccoli, they get so agitated they try to smack the food out of my hands. Little buggers!


The last personality, Kikolar, is a demon, but surprisingly enough, not such a bad guy! He always cleans up after he cooks his nightly meal of human souls, and never badmouths anyone else's taste. It only becomes a problem when he tries to suck out all of our souls and we have to keep morphing from one personality to the next to get him to stop.

Anyway, that's just me! We're a fun bunch but we have our moments. I often think about how much fun it would be for us five to go to a restaurant but I know that Kikolar would get nervous and Jojo would start howling for rats. It's hard enough to get Lily off her fat ass long enough to take a shower. Oh well, maybe someday.