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Great Gatsby-Themed Wedding Has Glitz, Glam, Vehicular Manslaughter

Collaboration with The Mother Faulkner, fake literary news. Visit @themotherfaulkner on Instagram!

When Dahlia and Tim announced their engagement, they knew right away that they wanted to invite all of their closest friends, families, and ex-lovers that are still desperately in love with them.

“I really loved the Great Gatsby movie and just loved how fun everything was! Leo was so hot!” Dahlia says sipping a nearly-empty Jamba Juice. The bride is wearing a stunning vintage-inspired beaded gown while a stylist primps her finger waves. “Things were so much better in the 1920s too! You had glitz, glam and the pending collapse of the economy. It was awesome!”

The guests arrive and get seated wearing their best: The women in 1920s flapper costumes hastily bought at Spirit Halloween and men in jeans and the one sort of nice shirt they have.

The wedding nuptials take place at a large Art-Deco style estate in Charleston, South Carolina that may or may not have been a plantation, but we’ll just ignore that alarming tidbit.

Following the I do’s, it’s time to party! After hours of endless champagne and twerking to the jazz ensemble’s version of Mambo No. 5, it’s time for everyone to make a speech.

Once all four Ashleys have finished giving a speech about how they are Dahlia’s best friend, the groom stands up to lead his blushing bride to the dance floor for their first dance. As the band plays their favorite song “Only Wanna Be With You” by Hootie and the Blowfish, a flashing green light fills the room for ambiance or something.

A noticeably sad-looking guest, named Joe, stands in the corner drinking his Miller Lite, staring at Dahlia and Tim. Not able to take it anymore, Joe takes the microphone from the jazz singer and proclaims his love to Dahlia, saying she could still be with him. That she could be part of his Bouncy Castle Empire.

After a drunken yelling match between Joe, Tim and Dahlia that were less words and more noise, Dahlia leaves the venue and gets behind the wheel of a classic Rolls-Royce with Joe. Forgetting she doesn’t know stick, she drives erratically into the sunset and straight into one of the caterers.

And so there you have it. Whether you have a small budget or a Gatsby-themed budget, you too can celebrate your love with 1920s glamour and jail time.


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