This holiday season, you don't have to stay all alone in your miserable apartment wishing you could see Grandma one last time before she croaks. Though Covid is trying its best to keep us from our loved ones, there's one way to get past the physical constraints: astral projection!
1. Get yourself comfy in your favorite chair. Ignore the internal screaming.
2.Place your favorite Glowt crystal in your palm. Again, ignore the screams of your subconscious.
3. Stay still and focus on your breathing. Close your eyes and think about your grandma's house. Try to forget about the trauma that took place there. Just focus on the hideous decorations and the smell of mothballs and dry mouth.
4. Open your eyes in ten minutes and give The Glowt a call. Purchase our Astral Projection kit for $1,500 – a steal if you think about it. Hurry quick before Christmas is here!
5. Use the Astral Projection kit to travel out-of-body to Grandma's house. Your spirit body will greet Grandma but she won't see you. It will be mostly a waste of time.