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How to Get Rid of Those Pesky Skid Marks Your Nudist BF Leaves on Your White Furniture

Picture it: you’ve just finished a sumptuous meal of takeout from the vegan Nepalese restaurant down the street and you’ve just settled in with your nudist boyfriend on your beautiful new white suede sofa to watch a 180-minute documentary about gypsy moths. Halfway through the film, your boyfriend mentions that dinner isn’t sitting right; they must’ve sprinkled cheese next to something he ate. He gets up and is in the bathroom for 37 minutes. When he comes back, still fully nude, he settles back on the couch, wriggling his ass around on the cushion to find his groove again.

Before you know it, the documentary is over and your sweetie has to go...he has aquatic pilates in the morning. You see him to the door and kiss him goodnight, silently praying to goddess he doesn’t get cited for biking home nude again. You begin to clean up and then you notice it...your new couch now has a new brown streak going down the middle of the cushion your naked boy toy was sitting on. Sounds all too familiar, right?

You’ve tried talking to him about it, but it just goes nowhere. Nudism is how he expresses himself, how he makes a statement to the world, and is it really right for you to be bothered by how he drags his nut sack across everything you own?

Well, here are a few ways to get rid of those unsightly marks for good...or until he does it again:

Club soda and a rag

The way your great-grandmother used to clean things! You can even put on a retro dress and some pearls and pretend like you’re an oppressed 50’s housewife.

Dry cleaners

If it has a removable cover, just take it to the cleaners and tell them you dropped curry on it.

Maybe just buy a new couch

even after it’s cleaned are you really going to want to sit there again?


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