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How to Grow Your Personal Brand, Sell Your Kid's Privacy

While visiting my parents recently, I was looking through our family photo albums to remember a simpler time and what my old nose looked like. Aside from my nose, I was adorable! So adorable that I felt sad for my parents. They would never be able to feel the joy of posting photos of me sitting in my own shit for likes and follows.

Now that I’m a mother, I decided to give my baby Astrid what I never had: a total invasion of privacy. And since being a travel influencer is not as lucrative as it used to be, I’ve recently shifted my brand to use my daughter’s face without her consent to secure sponsorships. Here’s what I’ve learned:

The Younger the Better

Ideally, your children should be no older than 4 years old. Any older and the kids become less cute and more likely to understand that maybe they don’t want to have a digital footprint before the age of 18.

Start Small

Did your child say something cute? Get it on camera so it can go viral! There’s always a chance your child can become an embarrassing meme they can never escape. Plus you can sell their face as an NFT!

Consistent Content

Is your child taking their first steps? Film it! Are they saying their first words? Film it! Is your child not doing anything except being a kid? Tell them Santa Clause isn’t real and film their reaction! You need to give your followers what they want even if it means that Child Protective Services should probably investigate your family.

Sponsored Posts

Sure, regularly featuring your child in sponsored videos and posts may violate every child labor law ever, but only you know what’s best for them. And what’s best for them is to learn how to say “Like, Comment, and Subscribe” instead of learning their ABCs.

Grow Your Family (And Your Money)

If you’re not able to have more children of your own, it’s time to think about adopting. Not only do you get more content out of the adoption process (a video sponsored by Babbel in China!), but your followers will have no choice but to believe that your heart is huge. Even though you will inevitably rehome the child at the age of 5 and cite “cultural differences” after making a huge profit off of them.

Now get out there and make money! I mean memories!


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