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How To Talk To Fat People


The gas light on your Daddy’s Lexus turns on on the way to Palm Springs for Spring Break and you have to turn in to a gas station in the middle of nowhere...there could be one when you go inside to buy some more Fiji water. You might be in the mall and one might ask you for the time. One could even be sitting next to you in a restaurant (hopefully not!) Believe it or not, fat people are everywhere in the world, and if you want to be the best person we know you can be, you’re going to need to learn how to talk to them, as if they were just the same as you.


Find a common ground.

You eat food sometimes. They eat food constantly, like they probably are hiding a hot dog under their shirt right now. Tell them what your favorite food is, they probably have a wheelbarrow full of it at home.

Ask them where they bought their shoes.

This is a nice and polite question to ask. We know it almost sounds like a compliment, but don’t worry, it’s not! We are just really curious where they buy their shoes, because it can’t be at a regular shoe store. Ask and report back to us!


Talk about the weather.

It’ll be interesting to find out if they experience the weather just like us! You would think with all the extra pounds they wouldn’t be cold ever, right?


Congratulations! You made it through that difficult time and we are so proud of you. Just repeat these steps if this unfortunate occurrence ever happens again! Remember, we are here for you, unless you get fat too. Then gross.