Search

How to Turn Your Sex Dungeon into a Kids' Playroom


Take out the whips and chains and bring in the blankets and toys! It's time to turn the sex dungeon you created with your weird ex-boyfriend into a sanctuary for your kids while you drink yourself to sleep every night missing him.


#1: Gut it. Get rid of the sex swing, the spanking box, the ropes hanging from the ceiling. Jesse was a weird guy and liked all kinds of macabre items like an Iron Lady, didn't he? You weren't really into it but you thought you were too old to find another guy. A million bruises later you now realize it wasn't the best idea.


#2: Paint it. Black and red just aren't kid-friendly colors. Jesse wore black and red, too, and you don't need to be reminded of him every time you try to play Trouble with your kids. Opt for a pastel color, or maybe even consider painting the room to look like clouds. You need a safe space now.



#3: Bring in comfy furniture. All those dark, vampiric leather couches and ottomans aren't really homey, are they? Kids like bean bags, soft blankets and rugs. Take the leather couches and set them on fire, honestly. Too many bad memories of Jesse branding you and chaining you to the floor.


#4: Organize toys and books with shelving units and bins. The place would turn into a chaotic nightmare when Jesse would throw orgies. You'd tell the kids to turn the TV on loudly upstairs to avoid hearing the howls of pain and pleasure that sounded throughout the basement. Organization is key now that Jesse is gone.


#5: Cry. Get Jesse out of your system. He was not a nice guy and your kids thought he was creepy. Consider therapy and maybe even a priest. It was unholy the things that went on in there. It's time to cast the demons out.