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I’m Marrying an Overbearing Ogre Who Has the Same Last Name as Me

Dear Baeli,


In a few short months, I will be marrying who I thought was the man of my dreams. We had a traditional courtship...he saw my twerking snapchats, slid into my DMs and then before we knew it we were banging six times a week. During all that hot, dirty sex, we fell in love.


After five sex-filled weeks, he proposed! Which was perfect timing because I’m about to turn 24 and time is running out for me! We even set up our appointments to get matching toe tattoos. Ah, soon-to-be marital bliss…


Until just yesterday. We were meeting up for our daily tequila shooters happy hour and getting pretty plastered when he mentioned that I will soon be Mrs. Johnson. Ummm excuse me? First of all, who does he think he is? I thought I really knew who I was marrying. We’ve had six weeks together which is longer than my last 12 relationships. I was so angry at him I stormed off. Now he won’t stop calling me. What do you think I should do? Should I take his name because I like, really like him and stuff, or do I keep my own to hold on to my independence? Oh, and by the way we have the same last name, Johnson.


Luv,

Confused Caylee


Dear Confused Caylee,


You do not need to take that douchebag’s name! I can’t believe he would even suggest a thing when women’s empowerment is like, really important right now. But I can see that you really like him and marrying people is a lot of fun. So, maybe you could find a compromise? Like, instead of Caylee Johnson, you could be Caylee Johnson? Or maybe you could both do a hyphenate, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson-Johnson?


You are so welcome for my help! If you feel the need to buy me a wedding gift since I saved your marriage, I am registered at Dior, or you can send me like $5k in cash too, whichever is easiest for you! xoxo