My friend Jehsyka told me one day my face was looking like trash. She told me about a place I could go and get FREE mud to clear up my skin. "Free mud?!" I squealed. She had me hook, line, and sinker from the get-go.
Jehsyka took me to a place on the outskirts of town. I guess you could call it an old ghost town that was once used by gold miners. The mud was outstanding. So brown, and so full of dirt and water. Jehsyka said it was full of minerals that would liven up my skin. I shoveled gallons of this stuff into buckets and went home.
Disregarding the fragments in the mud that looked like human bone, I covered my face in the mud. I waited for the mask to dry on my face, then rinsed.
Within an hour, my face was twitching. I thought that was the magic mud doing its job. But my eyes would squint on their own, my mouth would contort into smiles when I really was never happy unless I was stealing another girl's boyfriend.
I realized I couldn't control my own face. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw myself laughing at myself. I didn't understand. Until one day my face covered itself in that very same mud and with its cheeks smeared a message on the wall, "Dumb bitch." My face had a life of its own.
I started researching the place where I got the mud. It was the scene of a massacre in the 1800s where a well-to-do lady was killing young women to steal their boyfriends. Those bodies were buried in the same spot as the mud! Turns out Jehsyka was mad at me for not inviting her to brunch one weekend and this was her revenge!
I am now in the process of trying to get a priest to exorcise my face. But it's hard to make a phone call when this dead bitch keeps fucking with my mouth. Thank god I still have control over my fingers.