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Immediate Hire: Diedre's Personal Assistant


Want to work with one of the world’s leading entrepreneurs and castmates of The Truly Hot Thirty-Something Babes of Suffolk County? Take your career to the next level as Diedre Sabazios’ personal assistant!


Key Responsibilities:

  • Seat Warmer - Our savior Diedre’s average body temperature runs about 75 degrees Fahrenheit at all times and needs to always be near a heat source. She’ll require you to sit in her chair an hour before she arrives at the office daily. (At-home bed warming may also be required)

  • Plasma Donor - Since Diedre runs cold, she’ll occasionally need an infusion of your blood to keep her alive. She may also require your blood to use for facials and rituals.

  • Human Game Target - Diedre is a skilled marksman, with three white rhino heads on her wall to prove it. To keep her skills up to snuff, you are required to roam the property and run like hell when you hear her rifle. She loves a challenge!

  • Collagen Harvest - Applicants will be required to sign a release form for donation in case of death.

  • Light Clerical Work

Mandatory Requirements:

  • At least 20 years of experience in crystal healing

  • Degree: MBAs only!

  • O+ Blood Type

  • Average 98.6 Fahrenheit body temperature

  • Type 65+ words a minute

  • A severe lack of self-worth