Fall is here and we are falling for these inspirational fall messages for the fall. Fall, fall, fall. Wow, what a great time of year. Fall.
#1: Don't trust him with your money.
Yes, it's fall, and the leaves are changing. But what won't change is the fact that every pretty boy in town knows your rich aunt just left you $1 million. Put this one up in your bedroom. Then he'll know you aren't about to be played like that when he's loving you up down there.
#2: Bottle blondes look like whores.
Fall is the season for us to snuggle up and get close to family. Your mother always thought you looked like a whore with blonde hair and now you will never get to speak with her again. Hang this up above your bathroom mirror so you always remember Mama and never forget you're one bad decision away from looking like a cheap slut.
#3: Are you going to the gym today?
Autumn means the end of summer. But what it doesn't mean is you lose that summer bikini bod. Don't even think about trying that pumpkin roll. Instead, roll your lard ass to the gym and shred every ounce of fat before Brandon decides there are hotter fish in the gated community pond. Hang this one next to the fridge to inspire yourself not to become a gigantic blob woman.
#4: Novels and literature are for ugly girls.
The fall season often inspires us to head inside and grab a good novel by the fire. Forget it, sister. Fiction keeps us from pursuing our true passions of finding the men of our dreams by having a great body and at least a decent face if we can't afford substantial plastic surgery. So put down the fiction and pick up that self-help book. Place this message in your living room to keep you from wasting your time on anything other than changing your terrible self.
#5: Children are to be not seen and not heard.
When we think of autumn, we often think of children playing in piles of leaves and carving pumpkins. But when we think of those things, it sends us spiraling into a major depression. It's why we have nannies: to keep those kids quiet and anywhere else besides near us. Place this in your nanny's alcove under the stairs to emphasize to her the importance of keeping the kids away from you.