top of page

Man Finds it Such a Shame That Actual Soulmate Not Hotter

Just as all great love stories start, we met on an app. She knew all the lines from my favorite movie, shared my interest in music, reading, and even wanted to travel to my #1 dream destination: the beach from that Leonardo Dicaprio movie.

She was my soulmate in every way, and I knew we had to meet rather than talk for a couple days and then ghost her forever. The selfies on her profile showed the face of an angel, and the pics that she took at an above angle showed me she had a smoking-hot figure too. We made plans to meet at the local bar. I was bursting with excitement until the hour arrived.

I hear the door open and I look up. There she is…she walks over to me and smiles, and I smile too…politely because she’s actually terrible-looking. The double chin, the wart with hair growing out of it, the receding hairline (which I didn’t even know women could have), and the one lazy eye that seemed to travel around the room as we spoke….she was still the same girl that I had come to know and love through our conversations, but there was no way I could be with her. She was wearing pants with an elastic waist after all. Time to make an excuse, and head out..such a shame.


bottom of page