Marina Givens, 26, is getting married today.
“Really, it’s the best day of my life. This is honestly the happiest I’ve ever been. No one can even understand the joy I feel as someone that’s marrying a man that they really, like, love,” Givens said. But they almost didn’t meet.
“I was walking down the street and had just finished my iced gluten-free six-pump vegan hazelnut soy mochaccino and needed to tinkle really bad. I ducked into the nearest store to use the potty and there he was behind the counter, this handsome hunk of a man stuck working in a moldy old bookstore. It was so sad and really boring, but I knew I really wanted to sit on his face so I had to talk to him.”
While using the bathroom Givens performed an internet search on her phone of “how to talk to people who read books.” Once she had a few lines memorized, she thought she could just swing the rest. “And it worked! Our first date was that very night! Luckily we just got really drunk so I didn’t have to say a lot of book things.”
Fast forward six months later and now they’re tying the knot. “As far as he knows, I’m a Democrat vegan who plays the harp and has a degree in economics. We’re going to be so happy!”