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Out-of-Town Visitor Tarred & Feathered for Not Knowing How to Pronounce Small Town Name Like Locals

After agreeing to accompany her boyfriend on a weekend trip to his childhood home, Faith Hudson didn’t think too much of it. It was just going to be a normal weekend being fake nice to his parents and judging his old high school girlfriend when she meets her at the local bar. His dating profile had said he grew up in Middleton so she assumed that’s where they were going. Good ol’ small town, two hours outside of the city Middleton.

It occurred to Hudson that something might be amiss after spending a couple of hours in the childhood home of her partner. After inquiring about the sports trophy displayed proudly on the mantel, she knew she was entering into uneasy waters. “That’s a nice trophy. Middleton Tigers? Was that your sports team babe?” A silence overcame the family and the room grew cold. “His mother replied, “Oh sweetie, no. It’s Middle-town. MIDDLE. TOWN. How could you not know how to pronounce that correctly? Especially if you’re going to be carrying the offspring of this clan!”

Luckily Hudson’s boyfriend took that as a cue to leave and go to the local watering hole, wanting to show off his big-city girlfriend. But it turned out, word had traveled fast about Hudson’s mispronunciation.

“Wow, how could you not know what the town is called? Can’t you read?”

“Not knowing our town’s name is like not knowing how to blink, idiot!”

“It’s a disgrace that you even stepped foot in our town! Middleton!”

They could tell the bar crowd was growing more and more hostile. Hudson heard glass breaking, then all of a sudden a mob was forming pushing her out into the street. Tomatoes that seemed to appear out of nowhere were being thrown in her direction. The mob was also carrying torches and pitchforks.

“If you can’t pronounce Middleton like Middleton, then you must pay the ultimate price…”

“Are you insane?!” Hudson sputtered, covered in tomato innards. “There’s no ‘W’ in the spelling! No one that didn’t grow up here could possibly know how to--”

“Silence! The tribe, or city council, has spoken. You will pay the ultimate price...boys, get the tar and that down comforter!

As you can probably tell, Hudson learned her lesson; never visit small towns. Ever.


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