'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the House, the diamonds were shining, on Mommy's new blouse.
Oh, the magic of the holidays! We all know the stories of Santa and his reindeer, of Jesus and his Immaculate Conception. But one story that does not often get told is the one of poor people being humans!
What a fun tale! Whoever thought this one up surely must have been on some sort of woo-woo drug. To think, a poor person being human with no money to their names. It's so fantastical my kids don't even believe it!
"Mommy, come on, if poor people were human, why don't they have any gold?"
"Because they have a special kind of gold in their hearts," I say, trying not to laugh out loud. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but for Christmas, it's true."
"Oh, Mom, please. Tell me more about Santa Claus and his flying reindeer!"
"Yes, darling. But put on your silken robes first. The sacrifice will start soon."
"Sacrifice?"
"Yes, the sacrifice of the poor person with the most gold in their hearts," I say, as I sharpen the knife.
"But I thought you said they were human like us."
"Only on Christmas Eve, darling. Come Christmas morning, they must be fed to the God of Abundantia."
"Oh, cool. Can I have some more blood wine?"
"Of course!"
And so ends our Christmas Eve ritual, preparing for midnight when the Great Sacrifice begins, sending some girl we pick up at Target or Walmart to the great beyond.