Search

Summer Staycation Ideas for Your One Bedroom Apartment in the Bad Part of Town


So you have no money after getting drawn into a multi-level marketing scheme? (BTW: You should try this.) Summer's just around the corner and you are too broke to do anything but stay home. Well, don't let that get you down in the dumps even though you live in a dump! Here are some staycation ideas for your poverty-stricken life.


Take a long bath. Sure you can't afford the gas it takes to heat the water and even the water itself, but you gotta treat yoself, lady! Just imagine yourself in a hot tub at a tropical resort with a handsome man. It'll take a lot of brainpower when you hear the gunshots blasting outside but just increase the volume on your Enya playlist.


Visit your local farmer's market. Oh, your neighborhood doesn't have one? Only two chain stores and a liquor store with drunk loiterers outside? Well, make the best of what you have. Maybe Dollar General has some fruit in a can?



Walk around. Just make sure you bring your pepper spray and/or taser. There were two separate murders reported in the area just this week so definitely don't do this at night. Also make sure to bring your cell phone and leave a note at your apartment detailing your route just in case you end up missing.


Take a nap. We mean, if you can. The neighbors won't stop fighting. "Where's my money, bitch?" And "Hey asshole, I told you not to eat my cheetos!" are not sounds that encourage sleep. But that's what headphones and sleeping pills are for!


Make your favorite meal. Well, that's probably too expensive for you. Do you have peanut butter and jelly? Some bread? Nothing better than an old staple! While you eat your sandwich, try to ignore the smells emanating from the dumpster that's right outside your one window.


Call your mom. Maybe you should just move back home. Those student loans are piling up and you're pretty sure the guy who lives down the hall is stalking you.