top of page

Three Spooky Halloween Stories that All Involve Getting Dumped by Your Boyfriend

On All Hallow's Eve when the moon is full and the wind breathes through the crisp fall leaves, an ominous feeling overtakes you and the darkness settles in. It is a night full of terrors, and ones that all involve you getting dumped in humiliating ways by your boyfriend.

New House, Old Boyfriend

You never thought you'd get to live in a house like this. The high vaulted ceilings, the ornate details, the ghost that haunts it and keeps you awake every night. It's as if all your prayers were answered. And to have a boyfriend, too, on top of it all. Sure, he's the ghost that haunts the place, but at least you're not a sad 30-something single. During one spooky lovemaking sesh, the ghost of your dreams reaches down and starts to strangle you. "Not again!" You say. Sadly for him, his ghost strength is nonexistent. And so, you don't die. Instead, he floats off, never to be seen again. Pretty goddamn sad that not even a ghost wants to be with you.

The Tale of the Chad

It was supposed to be a Halloween bash like no other. Stacy invited all her best friends to attend, including the ones she really didn't like, and that's why you were invited too! You had to force Chad to come, and he clearly was not having a good time as he kept throwing rocks at birds. Listening to the radio, a breaking news report: A man from the insane asylum, Batshit Crazy Steve is on the loose, and has already killed several hot, sexy teens. The whole group panics and barricades themselves inside the cabin. Sadly, Batshit Crazy Steve didn't make it to your cabin that night. But Hot as Shit Monica did. And you caught her in the laundry room with Chad making out. Chad says, "We need to talk."

Blood Bitch

One minute you're in the audience at an Olivia Rodrigo concert and the next you're on the ground, a hot, pale man biting into your neck. The night is young, and you are full of sexual desires and really want to consume flesh for some reason. You stop a young man in the alley and fill your mouth with his blood. Not one to forgo an Insta moment, you take out your camera and post a pic. "Blood Bitch" is your caption. The next day you get a text from your boyfriend. "Did you kill someone?" Not one to lie, you tell him, "Yes." "Listen, I know your dad has a huge inheritance for you and he's on his last legs, but that's not worth having to make out with your ugly dead-looking ass. You're dumped."


bottom of page