In these tough times, I feel truly humbled to be able to hop into my private jet plane to a private island and leave behind the prison that is my life. There, I can disconnect from the real world and connect to my thousands of Instagram followers to let them know that I am winning at life.
But how do you make these posts more out of touch than they already are? Here are some tips:
Post a photo boarding your private plane
Caption the photo with a quote about hustling that makes it seem like you have a job (when you don’t). Add the hashtag #followyourbliss.
Post a photo of the diamond necklace you lost in the ocean
Caption it with “Lost my diamond necklace at the bottom of the ocean, but I also found my heart. #perspective” It won’t make any sense, but just go with it.
Post a photo of your 4-course meal
Caption the photo with “Simple meal before starting my day. #cleaneating." Don’t mention that you likely won’t eat all of the food due to your supposed gluten allergy.
Post a photo of yourself on a yacht
Make sure you are looking wistfully out on the ocean with a boat captain hat on. Caption it with “Steering my life in the right direction. #lifeisbeautiful”
Post a photo of your face after you wake up
Caption the photo with “Learning to love myself. #wokeuplikethis.” Make sure you are wearing makeup and that the photo is very noticeably altered. Feel the glow of all the comments noting how “brave” you are.
