Search

We Tried Heroin!

Here at the Glowt Lab, we constantly look for ways to challenge the established norms of self-care and wellness. Remember when Bailey lived in a crystal cave for two months to see if her chakras were off? Or when Baleigh ate worms just because? This time, we decided to strap on that tourniquet and inject possibly the worst poison we could find into our lily white veins: heroin!

Day 1


Baylee and Oskar headed to Skid Row to find a potential "connect" (a cool term in the drug world for "drug dealer"). Once the pair got the good stuff, they quickly started crying and called their moms, who urged them to come home and stop working for The Glowt.

Day 2


Baylee quit. Oskar asked for a raise as he felt this was "hazardous to his physical and mental health." We refused. He left without taking his amethyst healing crystal.

Day 3


Our intern, Cassandra, "chose" to shoot up in the bathroom of the Glowt Lab. She seemed to really enjoy it...like a lot...We gave her Oskar's amethyst healing crystal when she was coming down from the high.

Day 12


Cassandra didn't show up to work for a week. We figured she had to go back home because she couldn't afford rent. Her parents called demanding to know what "the fuck you did with our daughter!"


Day 30


Cassandra is now in rehab after weeks of living on the streets. We at the Glowt Lab refuse to accept responsibility for the poor decisions she "chose." The lesson here is don't do drugs... unless you can piss or shit them out with one of our miracle Glowt cleanses.