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Woman's Font Fetish Getting in the Way of a Normal Life


Brought to you by @TheMotherFaulkner.


Arial, Comic Sans, Impact, Merriweather...hold on, she's about to finish.


A woman in Naperville, Illinois is hoping she can overcome her font fetishism disorder and start living a normal life on her word processor.

Choosing to overcome her font fetish is a step in the right direction, but there is still a lot of work to do to put her life in some sort of order. Fonts are everywhere--signs, pamphlets, advertisements-- and her intense, obligatory, and highly compulsive arousal patterns have become destructive and all-consuming.


"It all started when I subtly switched my font from the default Times New Roman to Garamond. The power I felt, it was nothing I had ever felt before in my life. Next thing I know, I am making wild choices, Jokerman, Gill Sans, and Snap ITC...my font choices were spiraling out of control."


The woman has vowed to stop typing in Office 365 Pro Plus and only use Google Docs, which showcases fewer and tamer fonts. She will also stop having strange, sexual encounters with typesetters, layout artists, and calligraphists.


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