top of page

Four Swimsuit Styles for Women Who Were Too Lazy to Exercise this Spring

Why didn't you listen to us when we told you to start our 3 day diet cleanse to rid yourself of the will to live? Now you're stuck with a tub for a body but hey, you still have to go to the pool party at your in-laws'. We'll help you cover your lard ass with these four swimsuit styles.

One-Piece with a T-Shirt Over It

Ah, the old trusty t-shirt over a one-piece. We know you can pull this one off, right? You've done it since you were a child.

Garbage Bag

A big black garbage bag covers all the rolls. We do not recommend sun-bathing in it though. Will get very hot.


This is a great idea for women who are also ugly. It covers every inch of you but your eyes, and you can cover those up with sunglasses.

Don't Swim

This style is just sit your fat ass down and watch all the fit people swim instead. Use those sunglasses to hide your tears.

Maybe next year you'll listen to us when we tell you to get in shape. God, we're so disappointed in you.


bottom of page