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Ways to Pretend You're Interested in Your Maid's Stories About Her Homeland


When Lupe starts sharing stories at night, I usually just shut the door in her face. But after talking to my therapist about being more considerate and less evil, I decided to make a real show of looking like I care when Lupe begins her long, drawn out, barely understandable stories about growing up in Mexico...or, uh, Peru...or is it Colombia? I don't know, one of those. Here are some ways to really display some fake interest in what Lupe has to say:


Snort a bump of cocaine. You will soon have no trouble listening to every word out of Lupe's mouth and wanting to know more about her life. Like where does her family hide their cocaine? Do they sell cocaine somewhere nearby? Does she have a phone number you can call to get more cocaine?

Ask a lot of questions about Lupe's life back home. Like if her family enjoys cocaine, if they want to come stay with you for a while so perhaps you can also learn to cultivate cocaine. How much they charge for cocaine and how much it costs to start growing it.


Offer Lupe some of your own cocaine. Does it taste like cocaine she's had back home where she grew up? Can you find better quality over there? What would make it better cocaine? Does she know anyone around here who can distribute the cocaine if you were to, say, start trafficking cocaine into the country? And does she know any drug mules?