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Could you Poor Nerds Stop Buying GameStop Stock Already? I'm Losing my Fifth Home!

It is with a heavy heart that I turn to my Glowt followers to unburden myself today. Not that I expect any of you to understand as I make so much more money than you. But my third favorite home – the fifth that I bought – is now in jeopardy. All because some poor people decided to make a mockery of the beauty that is Wall Street and the unchecked greed that has allowed my friends and family to blossom into the money-hungry ogres we are today.

I had never heard of GameStop or – what is it? Readit? – until the other day when my broker called me up and told me I was losing vast amounts of cash. I thought, "Oh, what's a few hundred thousand going to matter?" But then it became clear to me it was much more than that and then I started to cry.

Right now I am drinking my sorrows away, lounging next to my football stadium-sized pool, getting a massage from my hunky manservant Raul. How will I ever live without this, my third favorite home?

I guess I'll have to let Armie Hammer bite a piece of my flesh off to get the money to keep it. C'est la vie!



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