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How To Hide The Fact You Have A Really Ugly Cousin


That annual family reunion is coming up, and you want Greg to meet your grandma and cool aunt and stuff, but what if she is there? Here are some tips to try out when bringing your new boo around your really hideous cousin.


  • Tell him she’s one of those exchange students from some poor Eastern European country...and she’s really skittish so best not to approach her at all.

  • Explain to him that that’s what her face looks like now...after the smelting accident.

  • Adopted. She’s definitely adopted...no need for him to think that could be swimming around in your gene pool.

  • Get him drunk. Like, really drunk. That’s probably the easiest way.

  • Screw it, you can’t subject him to the kind of horror that is your cousin’s face. Just tell him the reunion got canceled.