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How to Make Friends When You’re Not Pretty


Everyone wants beautiful friends so they can be jealous of them and talk shit behind their back, but what about us uggos that need brunch buddies and constant validation? Here’s how I got my squad, even though I’ve got a face like Frankenstein’s monster:


Be. Funny. Not just a little joke here and there, but go out of your way to be as outlandish as possible, and draw a lot of attention to yourself when out in public with a lot of big movements and maybe even bring some props. Just like the royal court had their jester to entertain them, you will now entertain your friends by being their new fool.

Have a lot of money. If you ask any wealthy ugly person if they have a lot of people that surround them at all times, they’ll more than likely say yes. Money equals instant friends and attractiveness, so just work on getting a lot of money. This can even help you snag that long-awaited boyfriend you’ve wanted your entire life. And with all that money, don’t forget to pick up some of TheGlowt’s own Hydrated Water and SNK Oil!



Know famous people. It would really help if you had a famous cousin or something. Just ask The Glowt for Men’s own chief editor Tony, who is the nephew of The Glowt CEO and founder, Diedre Sabazios. “Yeah, I was like, maybe a 4 getting 1s and 2s before I told people who my aunt was,” Tony states. “As soon as I started dropping Aunt Die’s name in the clubs, I was promoted to a 9, and now I’m sleeping with nothing but 8s and above.”