I'm Not Like Other Girls, I'm A Dog with Sunglasses

I’m not like other girls.

I don’t wear makeup. I wear sunglasses my owner puts on me for Instagram.

I don’t wear dresses. I would look ridiculous in them because I’m a dog.

I don’t wear high heels. I wear cute little shoes my owner got for me.

I don’t wear perfume. I smell like the mud I rolled around in outside.

I don’t drink girly drinks. I drink out of the toilet.

I don’t spend hours doing my hair. My owner grooms me and tells me I’m a good girl.

I don’t eat salads. I eat my own shit. Throw it up. Then eat it again.

I don’t chase trends. I chase ice cream trucks.

I don’t read celebrity gossip. Because I can’t read.

I’m not like other girls. I’m a dog with sunglasses.