I’m not like other girls.
I don’t wear makeup. I wear sunglasses my owner puts on me for Instagram.
I don’t wear dresses. I would look ridiculous in them because I’m a dog.
I don’t wear high heels. I wear cute little shoes my owner got for me.
I don’t wear perfume. I smell like the mud I rolled around in outside.
I don’t drink girly drinks. I drink out of the toilet.
I don’t spend hours doing my hair. My owner grooms me and tells me I’m a good girl.
I don’t eat salads. I eat my own shit. Throw it up. Then eat it again.
I don’t chase trends. I chase ice cream trucks.
I don’t read celebrity gossip. Because I can’t read.
I’m not like other girls. I’m a dog with sunglasses.