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I'm Not Like Other Girls, I'm A Dog with Sunglasses


I’m not like other girls.


I don’t wear makeup. I wear sunglasses my owner puts on me for Instagram.


I don’t wear dresses. I would look ridiculous in them because I’m a dog.

I don’t wear high heels. I wear cute little shoes my owner got for me.


I don’t wear perfume. I smell like the mud I rolled around in outside.


I don’t drink girly drinks. I drink out of the toilet.

I don’t spend hours doing my hair. My owner grooms me and tells me I’m a good girl.


I don’t eat salads. I eat my own shit. Throw it up. Then eat it again.

I don’t chase trends. I chase ice cream trucks.


I don’t read celebrity gossip. Because I can’t read.


I’m not like other girls. I’m a dog with sunglasses.