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Introducing: The Eat Dirt Diet


Fad diets come and go: The All Raw Diet, the Keto Diet, the Eat Tons of Cabbage Soup and Poop Your Pants Diet. But the latest diet is more than a fad and definitely not one we came up with while doing mushrooms in the middle of a workday.


Introducing the Eat Dirt Diet. Here at The Glowt Labs, our unregistered nutritionists try to think of new ways to make money off of our readers’ lack of common sense. We know doctors recommend fruits and vegetables, so we thought what helps grow fruits and veggies? Dirt!


For $500 a month, you will be delivered a box containing several jars of dirt specially sourced from one of the most fragile ecosystems in the world: The Amazon! This fertile soil contains rich nutrients and undiscovered bacteria guaranteed to start a new pandemic, so you know it’s good for you!


For every box of dirt purchased, we donate $1 to a Sloth Orphanage where all sloths will inevitably have to live once their home is completely destroyed. #savetheearth


So cut out the middle man (fruits and veggies) and get straight to the source. Eat dirt!