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Lose Those Laugh Lines By Getting Offended by Everything


It's something we all fear: getting old and ugly. Wrinkles are one big part of becoming unattractive and thus unmarriable. If you have started to notice your laugh lines sinking deeper and deeper into your aging face, it's time to stop laughing and finding joy in things and start finding everything deeply offensive.*


Think about it. When you feel offended, do you laugh? No. You shout. You post links to articles people won't read. You drive a wedge between you and your friends and family. You slowly start to realize everyone is against you. You start a cult. But you definitely don't laugh.


Start off by getting mad about a joke if it uses a word that is mildly controversial. Like "bitch." Or if someone says "Jesus!" out of frustration. Or when your boyfriend tells you you look curvy. That is straight up calling you fat and we all know it.

Your offended nature will blossom into a wonderful rose of self-righteousness and irritability. No one will want to be around you. People will start filming you on their phones and uploading the videos to Tik Tok. You will be famous for all the wrong reasons. But at least you'll keep those wrinkles at bay.


Let us know how this new lifestyle trick works for you and your disgusting laugh lines. We probably won't respond because it really doesn't matter to us.




*Warning: By becoming deeply offended by everything, you may develop wrinkles between your eyebrows and on your forehead. And the seething anger will lead to an early death.