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Pumpkin Spice? More like Pumpkin Too Spicy! Why I Only Drink Tepid Water

Now that fall is right around the corner, it’s time to get ready for all of the harvest-inspired headaches and the demon sex cult holiday that is Halloween.

When people just want to wear boots and leggings and sit by a bonfire, I say put on a turtleneck and a thick, woolen coat and sit indoors by your front window to make sure no hooligans are in your yard when it starts to get dark earlier.

This pumpkin spice phenomena has plagued our society for far too long. There’s no reason we should be subjecting the younger generations’ palates to this pumpkin spice nonsense. It’s best to make their taste buds as bland as possible with a tall glass of room temperature water.

Please join me in signing this petition to help rid the world of pumpkin spice lattes, or as I like to call them, "Devil’s piss.”


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